I'm BAAAAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!! The internet had been down for a couple days and it was driving me crazy!!!!! Not that I'm on it all the time, I just want the option to be on it all the time. lol
Anyway, on to the rant that I promised you.........
I've been really soul searching about writing about this. By writing this, I may make a few people mad and I might even lose a few readers, but this has been on my mind for almost a year now. So, I figured I should write it. It's about kids.
Right from the start I want to say that I'm not an expert on kids. I don't have any of my own. I do have two step kids who I have watched grow up. But, that's all of my experience when it comes to parenting. That, and remembering what it was like when I was growing up.
The reason that I felt like I had to write about this now is because of how much it has been very prominent lately. Since it's the holiday season, I've been around a LOT of people and their children. Things have changed since I was growing up. This new generation of children growing up confuses me. Well, maybe I shouldn't say the children confuse me, I should say the parents do. Let me tell you what I'm talking about.
These past few weekends, I've had get togethers with family members. At these gatherings the kids were VERY disruptive. When I say disruptive I mean they were screaming like crazy people. I'm not talking "squeals of joys", I'm talking SCREAMING just because the other child was screaming louder than they were. The adults couldn't even talk to each other. These kids were jumping down flights of stairs just for the fun of it. The older child of the house's owner tried telling the parents of these children that they were going to get hurt. The parent just said," If there is no blood, no broken bones, or no teeth knocked out, I don't want to hear about it." At this time there were sounds coming from the other parts of the house that sounded like the house was caving in. This was one of the times that I had to step outside of the house so that I could calm my nerves.
Another thing I noticed at these parties was when it was time for all of us to eat, it was suggested that the children get their food first. Here is where I was raised different. To me, the elderly always went first and the children got their food last. There was always enough food for the children because the elderly always made sure there were. When the kids got their food first, they ate their food and came back for seconds before the rest of the family had gotten theirs. I saw absolutely no respect, at these get togethers, for the older generation. I'm not talking about my generation, I'm talking about my parents' generation.
Something else that I've noticed is (okay here is another place I'll probably say "good-bye" to readers) the grandparents are taking care of the grand kids. The actual parents are doing things like taking date nights, going out with friends, going on vacations, etc...without their children. I thought having kids meant that the children went with you. You already HAD a date night. That's why you have kids to begin with. lol. Now I'm not say NEVER take a date night, but does it have to be EVERY week? What about once a month? I just think that it's putting a burden on the grandparents. Don't get me wrong, I understand that the grandparents want to see the grand kids, but I just feel that they are being used too much. They already raised their kids, they shouldn't have to raise their grand kids also. I know that not ALL parents are taking advantage of the grandparents, and I know that not ALL grandparents mind raising their grand children. Now, I'm saying this because I really know of a few examples where the parents are REALLY taking advantage of the grand parents. Not just a date night once a week, I'm talking going out EVERY NIGHT. To me, that's just not right. I also know of a parent who lives in a totally different state clear across the country, by herself, and her daughter(who is 13yrs old) lives with her grandmother. That way the mother of this child can "have the life that she has always wanted." I can keep giving examples like this people!!!!!!
Now, on to kids living with their parents. Right now I can give you quite a few examples of older children living off of there parents. When I say "living off of" I mean they are living with their parents and not contributing to anything within the house. These are "kids" anywhere from the ages of 23 to 49. Eating their parent's food, using their electric and water, using their space, and not offering to help pay for it, or even help with the household chores. The reason might be "not having any money", but these examples that I'm talking about, the children bring home as much or even MORE than the parents that they are living off of, or the children just wont go out and GET a job. I just don't understand.......
I could go on and on about this subject for hours but I probably have already made a few people mad so I'll quit while I'm ahead.(or not ahead.)
So until next time,(if you come back.)
Small Farm Girl, once again, I'm not a parent. Just a bystander.
27 comments:
I was raised differently as well. Children were seen not heard. Very Victorian. I modified that just a little bit when I raised mine (husband travelled for job a lot), because I wanted them to have a sense of who they were. I did not know who I was until my 30's because my parents never asked what I thought of things. I have great parents, just I modified a little the style.
It's the age of Entitlement. The kids think they can do everything they want because the parents LET them do whatever they want.
As for the kids running around like crazy, I have to admit I was one of those "What the HELL is wrong with your kids?!" kind of people pre-parent. I never liked kids. Honestly, I still don't. And it's because of the way they are being raised. But now having said that, there are times (but not ALL the time) when you just let your kids run "wild"....although within limits.
I don't have enough fingers on my hands to count how many grandparents I know personally or from friends of my family, that are raising their grandkids. Either an "oops" pregnancy, or a refusal to take on a job/responsibility, or a single parent. I know that in the past the entire family would pitch in to help raise the little ones, but that was when families were living together because they wanted or had to. Now a days, it seems that "Mom & Dad's House" is just a place to stay if one doesn't want to get a job or dump the unplanned child so the parents can go have a good time.
I'm blessed that my Mom lives close by. And she comes over to visit her granddaugther (and Me, although I often wonder if it's just for my kid!) often. DH and I try to go on a Date Night once a month and Grandma watches her. But I would never want to abuse that offer. Others just take advantage of it.
I wonder if these spoiled kids will "repay" their parents misguided pampering when they get older and their parents need help physically or financially. I doubt it.
Wow. Who's ranting now?!
That I understand. It's important for kids to find themselves.
There are times that kids NEED to go wild! Mostly outdoors though. Not IN someone else's house. I'll go along with your rant too! :-)
You are preaching to the choir friend! I like you, have none of my own but watch & am just as disgusted at seeing what the parents of these children either put up with or push over to their own parents. I have 1 cousin that has a 30 year old son that keeps moving back home after his trashy girlfriend(s) does something he doesn't like/can't live with or as he puts it "Is just taking advantage of his fortune.". If he has such a fortune why the heck does he keep moving back in w/Mama & Daddy to eat their food & live free. They allow him to do it! B-T-W ... he is coming up on 34 years of age. I have to leave to keep my comments to myself.
You are not alone in your observations!
I too find it very obnoxious when parents do not make their kids behave at the home of others. My sister in law and her husband have 2 children ages 3 & 6. I was APPALLED that the kids were jumping on and off of my coffee table-AND that when I looked at the parents the dad went over and encouraged them to continue to jump, just off the table into his arms and he'd put them back on the coffee table. How rude! This was just the start of the destructive behavior. I've been told by the parents that we aren't allowed to tell them no. Needless to say, I told my husband they are not ever coming back unless he tells them that our furniture is not a jungle gym. My parents NEVER would have let us stand on a coffee table, let alone jump on it or help us jump off of it. Parents today are WAY too worried about upsetting their kids. Kids need boundaries. (PS I'm a new reader and this post solidified my support of your blog.)
Small Farm Girl,
I like your rant, and have to agree with you. I was raised the old fashion way. These kids now a day's don't know the meaning of respect, don't know how to socialize (because there always on those cell phones texting), and they believe their entitled.
I blame parents for not paving the path with rules,discipline and love. A parent who wants to be friends to their child and not a parent is not settling to me.
Okay, I had better stop or I can get on a rant in the comment section of your blog :-)
It's good to know I'm not the only one.
You are a better person than I am if you could have stayed quiet with those kids jumping like that. I would have exploded!!!!!!
Oh, and thank you for your support! Lol
Sandy, I could have kept going and going but it was making me mad just writing this. Lol
It is a shame so many are handing their child children over to their parents to raise for them. Some day they may very well regret the blessing of being parents. After they have lived their life and their off spring are grown. I was devastated many years ago after divorcing and the courts decided the X should raise our son and I raise our daughter. It did not go well for my son. I remarried my hubby of now and we had 2 children. I have always loved being a mother. I was truly blessed with each child. In 2012 my life was shattered beyond repair at the death of one of my son's with my second hubby. I did not take the easy way out. I cared for supported and loved all my children. I am so thankful I did for one can never go back. If I had not I would have missed out on knowing the all my children. I would have missed out on my precious child I lost. In all the hurt I would do it all over again. I have a stepchild and was almost forced into raising my stepgrandchild this past summer. I had to put my foot down. No other child can be handed over to me to raise thinking. The biological grandmother thought more of her self and didn't want to give up her way of life but wanted to take the child from its mother. She is my hubby's X. Oh she lost one it can replace it. Bull shot. Now I do love my stepgrandchild but the child has no manners and is very hateful. I was not allowed to correct the child either. That was not how I raised my own children. So I have often thought as I see the situations you mentioned why did I lose my child when I did everything right?
Wow! Sounds like you are a very strong woman! Absolutely not a lazy parent!!!! Thank you!
I agree that these parents will regret not raising their children when they get older. It's a shame that no one can tell them.
Good "rant", I too beleive the way you do.
My daughter is 23. I have a very difficult time when others bring their children to our home and then allow them to disrupt the adults with screams, running through the house and making demands about what they are or are not willing to eat. My daughter understood that yelling and running are outdoor activities. I will never understand why these children (who all have warm coats and boots) aren't dressed up and sent outside to burn off some of that energy before dinner. So, I agree with you completely.
Thank you!
Exactly!!!! Kids don't know how to play outside any more!!!!!
I stopped at one child. My husband and I have commented on the same things youre talking about in recent years. We get our stuff and run out of a store anymore cuz theres always that screaming baby that follows you wherever you go, their parents not bothering to hush them or, in some cases, shut them up. Sigh.
I've heard that screaming baby a few times. They also follow me to restaurants. Lol
A little late, but amen. You said a lot that needed to be said. I agree!
Well, I can only agree with all you said, and all of the above. One thing: my house, my rules, no matter the parents of the children. If you can't/won't discipline your children in my house when they are obviously doing something wrong, I will. And if you don't really approve or like that, go home. Hardass that I am. No, I don't have any children either, but I've sure seen alot of them grow up. Fortunately, all my kin and friends believe as I do, so there isn't much problems when they come over. And I DO send them outside to run and scream.
Good rant! Rant on!
It's good to have family that thinks the same as you do. :)
Very well said, excellent post. You can count me in with the group of folks who are baffled at the way kids are being raised (or not being raised) these days. What in the world happened?
We're with you, SFG. My DH and I don't have any kids of our own, but we observe...and we both clearly remember BEING kids so we DO have valid thoughts on kids today despite what some people think. There's a huge difference between "raising" a child and just letting them grow bigger. One is active (takes work, thought, effort, attention) and one is passive. It boggles the mind how children are let do whatever they want. Most people who get a puppy understand that dogs should be taught some behaviors that are positive and negative ones should be discouraged. Wouldn't you think that people who choose to have kids would think at least as much of their kids' manners as they would a dog?? Parents somehow don't see that having no manners, no repect for others, no thoughtfulness of others, no discipline, no chores to do, no responsibilites for self...... it's not "letting them have a happy childhood", it's setting them up for failure when they can't function in the world of adults. You don't stifle a child's sense of self or creativity if you just teach good manners and respect for other people's things.
Thanks for giving a forum for a vent!
Trust your instincts, whether you have kids of your own or not. You're right, a lot of things you typed really rang a bell with me. I can argue seemingly opposing sides of some of these arguments, but really they're not unrelated. Too many kids are entitled little hellions these days. I've heard the way so many kids talk to their parents, and the content of what they say, and their attitudes. And you know who I want to see change? THE PARENTS. No way in HELL would my parents have put up with that, I don't care WHAT society said differently. If we had talked to our parents like I hear a lot of kids, we wouldnt just be spanked, depending on how disrespectful we might be DEAD. Respect for elders, whether you truly respected them or not, was SHOWN. And no, we did not go first at any eating function...instead we were kept at the "children's table" and parents were expected to chaperone their young instead of letting them destroy property or be loud or rude and so on. OK now for "the other side." Kids are in so many ways of our lame society, not give a home with any parental consistency. It's like the parents think parenting means enrolling Jr in every available tap/soccer/voice/dance class (this is for the overachievers) or on the other hand just shrug off the annoyance of kids having energy and park them in front of fancy electronics to Wii their lives away. Yeah, I know I sound like an old fart. What happened to parents PARENTING?? To working, real work, and including their kids...in real work, chores, normal things without it being abnormal? To allowing boys to run, like crazy, outside, playing and caring for animals, getting really dirty in the creek or yard, building stuff, mowing lawns for a side business?? That goes for girls, too, but boys have taken the worst rap for attention deficit and other things, meaning that sitting still in a school chair with busywork for SO many hours a day and penalized if they behave "outside the box" for so long? I'm all for teachers not having to babysit, don't get me wrong! We've gotten so much so wrong in this entitled few decades. The kids get their attitudes from their parents. Parents are often exhausted because both are working outside the home and have little to give at the end of the day. Kids are frustrated and need guidance and being with family and doing things together, not some set up where the only together time is "quality" time or a sports practice. I know a lot of different situations in which things aren't ideal but the parents find a way to make things work the best they can, and it shows. None of us are ideal when it comes down to it. Kids get their attitudes and habits a lot from their parents...and their boundaries. As for grandparents who have live in grown children, it's their own fault if they have not set up a workable system of their kids contributing in a valuable way to the household. Got moochers? I mean the real sort, not meaning kids who need real help...our home will always be open to our daughter for that, always. But freeloaders who sit on their collective arses and throw the cheetos under the couch for grandma to pick up...or who leave the grandkids to be raised by grandma and grandpa but don't relinquish their parental rights and transfer them legally to the ones doing the true parenting?? EVICT. If you raised your kid to treat you that way, shame on you. Well, obviously you didn't lose me as a reader. Perhaps I've lost you!?? lol ;-)
Oh Robbyn, I will never leave you..... Smooch.. Okay enough of that. I agree with you!!!!! lol
LOL!!!
One thing everyone should consider is how much or little rights parents have anymore over raising their children due to government intervention. A child has to say one remark and social services will be there knocking down your door. It used to be you could discipline your children without fear. Even in school discipline used to be present. Not anymore. It is a different world. I agree with many of your points however I also believe the problem is not just parents fault. Just my 2 cents :)
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