My name is Sherri and I'm a perfectionist. Not many people know that about me. To look at me you would never know. I'm overweight. I have a dirty house. Our farm is a mess. My car looks like something exploded inside of it. But yet, I know, I'm a perfectionist.
I was watching The Homesteading Channel on my Roku (best channel EVER!) and I would see things that someone was doing, something simple like pulling the cord to start a chainsaw. They used that chainsaw to cut up some REALLY small branches of wood for a fire that they were using. In my mind I thought," He pulled that chainsaw wrong. Why would he be wasting his time cutting up that small wood? Why not go for bigger chunks of wood?" Then I realized, why does that matter? He got the chainsaw started and he cut up branches that he had so he didn't waste the wood. But yet, all I could see was how he could be "better".
I also have this same attitude toward cleaning my house. I REALLY wanted to clean my microwave.(I use it for storage more than anything.) But in my mind, I knew that if I cleaned of the kitchen table I would see a bigger area cleaned. But I REALLY wanted to clean the microwave. I know this is not a big deal for some of you, but I will have these conflicts in my brain for a long time. Long enough to where I won't get ANYTHING done. I should have just cleaned the microwave and had at least ONE thing done.
I'm the same way with my diet. If I fall of the wagon and eat a chocolate chip cookie, well then, my diet is ruined for that day. I might as well just eat more junk. I must be weak. I can't stay on a diet. See how my mind works. Scary I know.
What makes it worse is I expect other people to live up to my high standards. Standards that I, myself, can't live up to. And because of this, I get mad at people for being messy or not starting a chainsaw right. :0) At least they can start a chainsaw! I can't!
So I'm going to try something new this weekend. (I'm starting small) I'm going to not be so critical about stuff. (I'm sure my family will be happy. :0) ) If I want to clean a small area the size of a dime, I'm going to do it. At least that small area will be done. If I eat that cookie, I will say, "Wow! That tasted good." and them move on. I'm going to do things that I've wanted to do but always worried that I couldn't do them "right". I'm going to quit thinking that I should be doing something else instead of what I want to do. This will be very hard for me. As I look back, I've been like this for a while now. I'm my own worst critic.
So until next time,
Small Farm Girl, perfectionist.