Thursday, February 5, 2015

Perfectionist

My name is Sherri and I'm a perfectionist.  Not many people know that about me. To look at me you would never know.  I'm overweight.  I have a dirty house.  Our farm is a mess. My car looks like something exploded inside of it.  But yet, I know, I'm a perfectionist.

I was watching The Homesteading Channel on my Roku (best channel EVER!) and I would see things that someone was doing, something simple like pulling the cord to start a chainsaw.  They used that chainsaw to cut up some REALLY small branches of wood for a fire that they were using.  In my mind I thought," He pulled that chainsaw wrong. Why would he be wasting his time cutting up that small wood?  Why not go for bigger chunks of wood?" Then I realized, why does that matter?  He got the chainsaw started and he cut up branches that he had so he didn't waste the wood.  But yet, all I could see was how he could be "better".

I also have this same attitude toward cleaning my house.  I REALLY wanted to clean my microwave.(I use it for storage more than anything.)  But in my mind, I knew that if I cleaned of the kitchen table I would see a bigger area cleaned.  But I REALLY wanted to clean the microwave.  I know this is not a big deal for some of you, but I will have these conflicts in my brain for a long time.  Long enough to where I won't get ANYTHING done.  I should have just cleaned the microwave and had at least ONE thing done.

I'm the same way with my diet.  If I fall of the wagon and eat a chocolate chip cookie, well then, my diet is ruined for that day.  I might as well just eat more junk.  I must be weak.  I can't stay on a diet.  See how my mind works.  Scary I know.

What makes it worse is I expect other people to live up to my high standards.  Standards that I, myself, can't live up to.  And because of this, I get mad at people for being messy or not starting a chainsaw right.  :0)  At least they can start a chainsaw!  I can't!

So I'm going to try something new this weekend. (I'm starting small)  I'm going to not be so critical about stuff. (I'm sure my family will be happy.  :0)  )  If I want to clean a small area the size of a dime, I'm going to do it.  At least that small area will be done.  If I eat that cookie, I will say, "Wow!  That tasted good."  and them move on.  I'm going to do things that I've wanted to do but always worried that I couldn't do them "right".  I'm going to quit thinking that I should be doing something else instead of what I want to do.   This will be very hard for me.  As I look back, I've been like this for a while now.  I'm my own worst critic.

So until next time,

Small Farm Girl, perfectionist.

5 comments:

Becca said...

I'm totally the same way. I've loosened up a bit, but not very much. It's a constant struggle to just chill and let things go. Best of luck in your new habits! :)

Vera said...

I have had to teach myself not to be so self critical, and to get cross myself for not being able to live up to my own personal standards. What I have learnt is to congratulate myself on what I have been able to do, which helps me feel encouraged to get more done. I think I am winning, although progress is slow sometimes!

Quail bridge farm said...

Losing weight -- it's all about the carbs. Try for one week to eliminate white rice, white potatoes, no bread except for sourdough and then only one or two slices a day. Red potatoes are fine. Also, don't buy any of your weakness foods, ie chips, etc. my weakness was/is potato chips. Learned how to make microwave chips using red potato so when I need a treat, I'll take two red potatoes and slice them very thin wih a mandolin, let them soak in water for thirty minutes, dry them, very very light oil, salt and pepper. In microwave for four minutes and then flip for another three to four. Mmmmm. Good luck. Also load up on snacks that you do like. Radishes, carrots, cauliflower for me, but nuts, air popped popcorn, keep around in abundance so you don't feel deprived. Good luck.

Anne Mark said...

I have read your blog for a while now, but never have commented. I really enjoy hearing about your little slice of life.
Flylady.net would be perfect for you. She helps lots of perfectionists that can't get anything done. I use some of her ideas myself.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anne Mark about Flylady.net. I did not know I was a perfectionist until I joined her list. How could I be a perfectionist when my house was such a mess? She helped me learn it was a mess because "I didn't have time to do it perfectly." Now I do 15 minutes at a time. It will be never be perfect, but my house is a lot better than it was! Carol